


What's Wrong

by Burgie



Category: Star Stable Online
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 07:51:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17679410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: Daine finally goes to his friend about something that's been bothering him for a while. Daine belongs to HellishSam, Ariana belongs to inappropriatestarstable, and Louisa belongs to me.





	What's Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I'm not demi, I'm just going off of internet definitions so apologies if I got anything wrong.

Going out with Ariana was always risky business. Sure, she could be an okay person, but things could also turn very, very inappropriate with her very, very quickly. There was a reason, after all, that she was called 'hoe' in Daine's phone. A reason why Willow tended to avoid her, why nobody really left their significant other alone around her. Not that she was a homewrecker, not anymore, but the past was hard to forget. Especially when she kept bringing it up.

And now here they were, dancing at the disco, and Daine tried not to think about one other time when he'd seen Lion, Ariana's dark bay gelding, standing outside by the fountain and trying not to be spooked by the loud music and thumping bass that Daine could feel through every part of his body. He was having fun, moving his body to the rhythm of the music, shouting along to the lyrics that he knew, swaying his hips and shaking his head. It would be nicer if Ydris were here, true, but he was pretty happy right now, just enjoying the good atmosphere and good friends. At least, until one friend started getting a little too close for comfort.

Daine hated the way his stomach turned at the familiar scent of Ariana's perfume hovering over the smell of sweat (he called it 'hoe scent', mostly jokingly). But he'd be lying if he said that he didn't often dream about that scent, and not in the good way.

"Get off," Daine said gruffly, pushing the blonde woman away from him. Ariana smirked, grey eyes glittering as much as her skin was from both the sweat and the actual glitter that was often shot down from cannons on Friday nights like this one.

"That's not what you were saying to me backstage at the fashion show," said Ariana, giving him a wink. Daine grit his teeth and his lips pulled back in an almost unconscious snarl, a growl going unheard under the thumping bass of the music.

"Leave," Daine snarled at her, "me alone!"

"That's what they all say," said Ariana, probably thinking that he was just playing. But Daine felt both hot and cold at the same time. Hot from the rage simmering through his veins, but also cold towards Ariana. What the fuck didn't she get? She'd almost ruined things between him and Ydris (though Daine was willing to admit that part of the blame did lie with himself and Ydris for not speaking up and talking about the arrangement, for just letting it happen to spice up their sex lives), she'd seen how broken up Daine had been after that, had heard how broken he'd sounded when he'd spoken to her about it. And sure, he'd forgiven her, for the good of the group, but it still hurt like hell. And he hated, so much, the doubts that she'd planted in his head without even meaning to, the fact that he could no longer look at that wagon the same way again, the fact that he still worried about his fiance deserting him for a hot blonde.

"No," said Daine, glaring at her. "They don't all say that." Or did they?

"Whatever," said Ariana, shaking her head. "You're giving me mixed signals here, you were into it before."

"Yeah, well, I'm not anymore," said Daine. But her words had brushed up against a question that he'd thought of a few times now. Since falling head over heels for Ydris, he hadn't wanted anyone else. Sure, he'd felt a brief flicker of some sort of desire for Ariana once, but he'd only let her give him head because Ydris had wanted to watch, because Ydris had been there. And yeah, it had felt good, but if Ydris hadn't been there, he wouldn't have done it. Did that make him gay, or...? But the thought of having sex with someone without loving them just didn't sit right with him. It made him feel sick. And when someone flirted with him? It made him sick to his stomach, made his skin crawl. What was wrong with him?

To think that Ariana had once given him 'straight panic', as he called it. Daine turned away from her, walking across the flashing floor of the disco, the music now falling on deaf ears.

"Wait, Daine, where are you going?" Ariana asked, running after him. Daine turned on her, eyes flashing, and gripped her wrist that she held out towards him.

"I have to go," said Daine, ignoring the gasp of pain from Ariana as she yanked her wrist back and looked at the pink burn that now marred the skin of her wrist. As he mounted Wisp, the Clydesdale that he'd now begun to ride everywhere ever since his fiance had gotten the horse for him on the anniversary of Cole's death, Daine's eyes burned with tears and his breaths came too shallow, too sharp. What the hell was wrong with him? He'd liked that once, hadn't he? He'd liked what had happened backstage, even what had happened in Ydris' wagon. Was it because of what had happened with Ydris and Ariana? Was it because he was just too gay now? Surely, it had to be something, because most people didn't act like this. Most people were flattered to receive sexual attention, flattered to be flirted with. But now, even the memory of what had happened backstage made him uncomfortable. God, just the thought of it. Was it because he'd been with Ydris for so long? Maybe this happened in every relationship, maybe…

Daine knew only one thing- he had to get out of here before his anxiety got too much and resulted in a very public breakdown. Digging his heels into Wisp's fluffy sides, Daine rode hard towards South Hoof, trying to catch his breath on the ferry. At least Ariana hadn't followed him.

After disembarking from the ferry, Daine steered Wisp past his own house and down the road a little further to where his friend Louisa lived with her veritable herd of horses. He left Wisp outside, trusting his horse not to wander too far away, and walked to the front door, still shaking, anxiety still coursing through him. He hated feeling like this, hated feeling so unsure.

It wasn't the first time that Louisa had opened her front door to the sight of a friend in tears, or close enough. When she saw Daine, she felt a brief moment of panic, that something had happened with Ydris. But then she saw the confusion, and knew that Daine was more afraid than upset.

"Daine? What's wrong?" Louisa asked, looking up at her taller friend.

"You've been in a relationship for a long time," said Daine. "And I don't want to upset Willow by talking about it but, well... is it normal to only want to have sex with the person you're in love with? And to hate being flirted with, even by other guys that I should be attracted to? Am I broken?”

"Come with me," said Louisa. "We can talk it out over coffee." Daine sighed and followed her inside, glad that she was willing to talk about it. Hopefully she'd be able to help him, she usually could.

Louisa made Daine's coffee just the way he liked it, though with the substitution of decaf rather than full-strength. He never noticed, somehow. But in his anxious state, caffeine was the last thing Daine needed.

"Okay," said Louisa, sitting down at the table opposite him. Daine took his mug in his hands, sipping his coffee. "So you think you might be broken because you don't want to have sex with anyone other than Ydris, is that right?"

"Yeah," said Daine, nodding. "Is it just loyalty or something else?"

"Well, loyalty is a part of it," said Louisa. "But when you first met Ydris, when you first started dating him, did you feel any sexual attraction towards him at all?"

"No," said Daine, looking down at the table. "I thought he was pretty and nice and I wanted him to pay attention to me, but that was about it. Even when we did... start being more intimate, I still only did it because I loved him. Does that just make me desperate?" He raised his eyes up to his friend.

"No," said Louisa. "And you've never even thought about anyone else in a sexual way?"

"Ariana," said Daine, his stomach clenching as he said her name. "But only a few times. And now, she keeps talking about it and it just makes me feel sick."

"Have you told her how it makes you feel?" Louisa asked.

"If I did, she'd just call me a weirdo," said Daine, his eyes filling with tears again. "Or she'd ask why I was okay with it before, which she did just now. And I don't know how to respond to that!"

"You were experimenting," said Louisa, shrugging. "That's normal. And sure, sometimes you might hurt the people you experimented with, but they need to understand that."

"Have you ever experimented?" Daine asked. Now Louisa looked away, biting her bottom lip.

"I used to think I liked boys," said Louisa. Daine stared at her in surprise.

"You?" Daine asked. "The gayest woman I know?"

"I know," said Louisa. "But the thing is that we're brought up to think certain ways, to think certain things are normal. For a long time, I thought that girls could only like boys and vice versa."

"How?" Daine asked.

"I grew up in a country town," said Louisa, shrugging. "And then a friend of mine told me that she had a crush on me. That was the first time I even knew that girls could like other girls. And I did some soul searching and we kind of fooled around for a bit, but it didn't work out. She was my friend and I was confused and in the closet. And sometimes, I still feel a little bit of 'straight panic' for guys, but I know that it's nothing because I'm gay. Maybe Ariana was you experimenting, and you can tell her that."

"The thing is," said Daine, "I... don't think I was experimenting with my being gay. Because I'm gay, I know that. And it's not the fact that she's a girl, it's the fact that she's... my friend and I don't see her in that way."

"Oh," said Louisa. "You mean you don't know that you're demi?"

"I'm what?" Daine asked, looking at her as if she'd just said something in another language.

"Demisexual," said Louisa. "I thought you knew."

"What is that?" Daine asked, sipping at his coffee again. He'd never heard of the term before, only gay and bi. But apparently, Louisa had done a lot of research when she'd discovered her own sexuality.

"It's when you're only sexually attracted to someone you're in love with," said Louisa. "It sounds very romantic. And it sounds like you, honestly."

"It's just that the thought of fucking anyone other than Ydris makes me really uncomfortable," said Daine. "It makes me feel sick. For a while I thought I might be ace, but... clearly, I still want to fuck. Just- with Ydris. And only him."

"There are different aces, too," said Louisa. "I can find some websites that might help if you want. Or some videos, I'll look for them too."

"That would be great, thank you," said Daine, feeling as though a weight had lifted from his shoulders. He had a name for it now. Maybe. If he was demi.

"I can't believe you've gone your whole life thinking that there was something wrong with you," said Louisa.

"I mean, I can still appreciate pretty people," said Daine. "Just- I only want to fuck Ydris. I thought everyone was that way, but he proved me wrong. A-are you...?" Louisa shook her head.

"I wouldn't sleep with anyone else out of a sense of loyalty," said Louisa. "But when I first came to Jorvik, I did seriously consider spending the night with Alex once." She blushed. "And don't worry, Lisa knows and doesn't blame me. I’m only uncomfortable when guys flirt with me, but with girls? Well, I’m flattered, but I only feel uncomfortable if they pursue it."

"I just can't see how anyone could want to have sex with someone if they don't love them," said Daine. "It just seems wrong. No offense."

"Yeah, that sounds like demi as I understand it," said Louisa, nodding. “And none taken, don’t worry.” She put her hands over Daine, reaching across the kitchen table. "It's okay, Daine, you're okay. There's nothing wrong with you. I can talk to Ariana if you want, let her know how uncomfortable you're feeling."

"I think I can handle Ariana," said Daine. "She left Ydris the fuck alone when I asked her to. Even if that's partially because she knows I'd kick her ass if she did anything."

"I hope so," said Louisa. "For your sake. I thought she'd change once she started dating Rania."

"We all did," said Daine. "But no, she's still a hoe."

"Give her time," said Louisa. "Change doesn't happen overnight."

"I know," said Daine. "Maybe I should avoid her for a while. I don't want to, she's a good friend, but I can't fucking stand the way she flirts with me. And I know, she flirts with everyone, but I don't like it." He was near tears again, so Louisa squeezed his hands and gave him a look full of sympathy.

"It'll be okay," said Louisa. "It'll all sort itself out in the end. I mean, look at you and Willow- you two are strong again now."

"Yeah," said Daine. It still killed him that Willow, the woman he called a sister, didn't like his future husband. But he understood where she was coming from. And they were talking again now, friends, even. Maybe someday, Ariana would be his friend without the awkward underlying past. After all, she'd toned it down around Willow, maybe she could do the same with Daine. He could only hope. And hopefully, she wouldn't be too inappropriate over being used for experimentation.  
At least he had a name for his sexuality now, so there was that.


End file.
